Time Really Flies!

Jan 4, 2016

 Hello Everyone!

New Year's Eve 2015

 It’s already the second-to last-week of my training! I know I should stop commenting on how quickly the time goes, but seriously, it seems like only just last week I was seated at the computer behind me typing all y'all. It seems like just last week I was reflecting on my progress and contemplating the benefits of my sacrifice to serve a mission for two years without the normal comforts of daily life. Oh, that's right, because it was. And just six days ago I talked with a missionary that decided he was done. He told me he hadn't progressed nor had seen any hope for progression. I thought about how much it resembled my doubts. I asked him if he believed that God lives, and loves us. Then I asked him if he believed that God calls prophets to communicate His will with us. The answers to both questions were, of course, yes. The prophet's words are scripture to us today as they were anciently. God doesn't change. The prophets command the young men to serve a mission, if they are worthy and able. To me, believing that I am exempt from serving a mission would be denying my testimony, and ultimately, denying Christ. I don't want to do that. That would take some serious paradigm reconstruction, and along with it, a serious loss of the hope to which I cling every. single. day.

Now. For the changes that happened this week. I first set myself to studying forgiveness. Before, my companion had gotten angry at times that didn't make sense to me, and this made me scared to do other things that I thought might frustrate him. I didn't have any real negative feelings for him, I was just very hesitant with everything I did. I realized that repentance isn't truly accomplished when we only stop doing something wrong, but rather when we start doing something right, when we become something right. Forgiveness isn't accomplished when we only stop, or avoid, having hard feelings, but rather when we start doing something right, or when we begin again to open ourselves again. Alma and Amulek healed Zeezrom, the very man who had tried to humiliate them and corrupt their teachings (Alma 11, I believe). Nefi frankly forgave his brothers after they had tried to kill him, and trusted himself in their presence. Before, I said many times that the more vulnerable we made ourselves in the cause of Christ, the more invulnerable we truly become, and that cannot be more true. However, I had not realized how large a realm of experience this statement spans. Nefi, in I believe Third Nefi, leaves a mob that had tried to kill him to preach to another mob that tried to kill him, knowing it would be so. It's easy to avoid holding a grudge, but it's much more difficult to let it go and give again, but this is what Christ asks. How many times have we been forgiven, and then blessed after repenting of the exact same sins?

Friends, Elders Scoubes and Brown

This week has gone better and better as I have worked more and more consciously to do what I think is right. "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the lord, and not unto men." (its a lot cooler in spanish...) when we really do this, we will be blessed.

Now for my worries about my lack of progress. We were with a member, K****, actually, who had recently gotten baptized and was working RREEAALLYY hard in the Church. She taught with us almost every day. She wants to help in everything. She is the YW president here and is now making visits by herself and inviting the inactive YW to church. We were helping her prepare a lesson for Sunday when she broke down in tears. She told us that she had been trying soooo hard to do everything she was supposed to do and she hadn't received a witness of the church. She felt cheated because there are those that don't go to church but have received an answer. Others just pray and receive something awesome. After six months of church attendance and two months of membership, she still hasn't received any kind of witness upon which she can put her finger. (my english comes out funny now. :)) I was thinking about how much it resembles my experience as a missionary. I then thought about how much it resembles my experience in the church. I have received many witnesses of the veracity of this church, yes, but they strengthen my testimony, they don't make it. Ether 12 says that the witness comes after our faith. Moroni 7 I believe, says that miracles follow the believers. There's a song that says, "How can we think to see His face (that of God) when we couldn't see his hand?" One person uses the earth as a proof of athiesm, and another uses the same as proof of diety. The answers we receive to our prayers can be recognized, or can be discarded. It takes muscle to gain muscle. It takes faith to build faith. It takes a seed from a tree to grow another one. To believe is a choice. To exercise faith is a choice. To know, ultimately, is a choice. A testimony is a choice. We choose to recognize or discard the witnesses that God WILL send. A testimony cannot be measured. Conversion cannot be measured. It is a choice to grow or to stagnate. As such, it is a choice to believe that I have grown, and that I will. It is not measurable by human eyes, because as logic suggests, we can't measure air pressure with a voltage meter. It is simply the wrong tool. We can't measure our testimony nor our conversion with our human experience nor the measurable actions for which we set goals. It is measured with faith. With faith, I can see that many weaknesses that before were hidden have now been revealed and I can work on strengthening them. With faith, I can see that through forgiveness I can work towards strengthening friendships, not simply refreshing them. With faith, I can see many now hopes and opportunities. With a ruler, I only see twelve inches.

Elder Brown