High School Regrets

Hola! As however many of you know know, second semester was my last one of High School. After that, I’ll be going to UVU to take Calculus 2. I’ve been noticing a lot of things over the past month. I’ve noticed a lot of regrets. I’ve also noticed a lot of methods to avoid those regrets. I hope that any of you reading this can see these same patterns and principles. President Uchtdorf hit the nail on the head in his October 2012 General Conference talk “Of Regrets and Resolutions”. I’d like to add my personal understanding to his talk. Maybe I’m just crazy, but I don’t think so.

The first regret: I wish I had been happier.

The first solution:

I feel like a cheater using Elder Maxwell’s analogy, but here it goes: “the scriptures offer us so many doctrinal diamonds. And when the light of the Spirit plays upon their several facets, they sparkle with celestial sense and illuminate the path we are to follow.” Happiness is one of those diamonds. It is most commonly recognized when felt as a bubbling brook. Spontaneous spurts of energy are almost always associated with happiness. I have learned that pure happiness, however it may be felt, be it calmly, enthusiastically, noisily, or warmly, always has a depth that cannot be fully expressed. The happiness that I have grown to love may be expressed in the ways aforementioned and infinitely more. However, happiness ALWAYS makes me a better person. I come to more fully appreciate myself and others. I come to a deeper understanding of Heavenly Father. I achieve a fuller potential for myself. I learn better, faster, and deeper. I face my fears more courageously. I care more deeply for others. In short, I become more of the person I’ve always wanted to be, almost on accident, just because I’m happy.

I have noticed a couple of things that have helped me to be happier. First is faith. When I am sad, I think of the Atonement. I know that Jesus Christ suffered for our sins in Gethsemane and died for us on the cross at Golgotha so that we might not have to as long as we let Him. I also know that He suffered our sadness so that he might succor us. I say a prayer and bear my testimony of this truth to Heavenly Father. Then I tell Him that I will give up my sadness. This is hard to do. I am prideful, and sometimes would rather try to subdue my sadness through sheer grit and willpower. I realize that I really can’t do that. I have to trust Heavenly Father to remove the sadness as I, in faith, become happy. This is no cake walk, but at least it’s a happy walk. Joseph Smith said, “Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.” As we try the best we can to do the best we can, may we trust the best we can that God will make us the happiest we can, if we let him.

The real first thing I have learned is repentance. I wanted faith to be first because it alliterated. Repent one step at a time.  Don’t overwhelm yourself. If you need to, go talk to your bishop. If you don’t know if you need to, go talk to him. In my experiences with repentance, I have learned that repentance is not in the eradication or suppression of bad habits, but the creation and expansion of good ones. Through His infinite grace and atonement, Christ will shoulder the burdens of our sins, weaknesses, and shortcomings. Faith and repentance are not principles of avoidance, but of destination.

The third thing I have learned to be happier is to glorify as many people as we can. Don’t just learn about someone, learn from them. Learn how to be a better person. Learn how to see things the way they do. Learn how to be happier from them. The characteristics of happiness, such as greater appreciation, understanding, and courage also create happiness.

This final thought has to do with a Russian behavioral psychologist named Pavlov. Every time he fed his dog, he rung a bell. One day, he rung the bell without giving the dog any food. The dog still salivated. The bell now could dictate when the dog became hungry. Every time you are happy, make a repeatable but unique action. I jump up and click my heels. I know it’s goofy, but the humor contributes to my happiness. Now, whenever I want to feel happier, I jump up and click my heels. It instantly makes me happier. When you want to feel happier, simply repeat your repeatable but unique action, and voila! There you go.

The second regret: I wish I had spent more quality time with my family.

The second solution: I have spent a lot of time with my family. I spend almost every day from five till 9 with all of them. I spend half of every weekend with them. I just spent an entire two weeks with them over the Christmas Break. How much of that time that I have spent with them has been utilized? Far, far less than is appropriate. Instead we spend our time physically proximal, and emotionally isolated. My little brothers ask me if I can go and play hide-and-go-seek, but I suddenly remember I have a couple of projects I want to do after having sat for 2 hours on the couch. I planned to go ice skating with my oldest younger brother and time after time it has been put off. I plan to take my sister and do something interesting, and for some reason it never happens.

Dedicate a time every week to do something with one of your family members. If you’re looking for ideas, Google them, ask a parent, talk to a friend, ask me, or simply go somewhere. The more flamboyant the activity, the better. In the car, try to have more sincere talks and build deeper trust with them. It will be uncomfortable at first. However, I have learned that the more vulnerable I make myself, the more invulnerable I really become. That does not mean that I walk around and bear out my soul to anyone. It does mean that I allow myself to care for people. I allow myself to tell them I care about them. I talk about things that I care about. The more I do that, the more my dependency shifts, and the more invincible I become. This, I believe, is the foundation of Zion.

The third regret: I wish I had managed my time more effectively.

The third solution: You remember back in elementary school when we had those planners? What did you think of them? I thought they were bogum (That’s plural of bogus). I could keep track of all my 2 assignments and all my non-existent after school appointments. That’s just how brilliant I really was. The two weekly assignments may, however, have been a gross exaggeration. I have been making life much more difficult than it needed to be by neglecting a planner. That thing is beautiful! If I write down an appointment, event, assignment, or anything else in my planner, it happens. My horizons for planning have shifted from tonight and possibly tomorrow to this week, next week, next month, and next year.

The beauty of my planner is that it’s on my tablet. If you have a Tablet, iPad, smartphone, iPod, or anything else of that caliber, utilize its power as a planner. Record every appointment, every event, and every task. Then notice how much time remains. Fill it. Do something with a sibling, finish a project you’ve been working on, improve a talent, or call a friend. You already will spend twenty-five years sleeping, four and a half years eating, and a year going to the bathroom. If you spend even half an hour every day in unproductivity, you will have lost another year and a half from your life. As a sobering principle, for every minute you waste daily, you lose 20 days from your life. And really, who, ever wastes only a minute each day?

This last doctrine is included in this next one. I have found that scheduling a one hour block for homework that used to take me two hours still works out. Faith works miracles, and whether Heavenly Father slows down time to allow me to complete my allotted work or He speeds up my thinking capacities, I can shorten my tasks to fit more into each day if I decide how long it will take and ask God’s help.

This principle of effective time management really brings all of the other ideas together. It is the concept of balance, priorities, planning, and record-keeping. This is third, and being positioned in the center of my regrets, is also the center of their success. Commit, right now, to effectively managing your time and keeping a planner, please.

The fourth regret: I wish I had been kinder.

The fourth solution: I don’t think I was ever particularly mean. Someone has even told me they admire how kindly I treat others even when they’re rude, annoying, unfair, or even deliberately mean to me. To be honest, I feel that compliment was unwarranted, but am grateful for their appreciation. I don’t think people have treated me terribly negatively. Whatever the truth of their opinion, I do feel that I was kind of nice. However, I was oblivious to almost everything. I was stuck in my own little world. We all are. We all sit where we are most comfortable, how we are most comfortable. Take a look at yourself critically, and you will find, as do I, that the common, underlying, reason we are friends with the people we are friends with is that we are comfortable. That is not a particularly bad thing. It is a human thing. We need to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. Brother Butler said that if he could go back and teach himself one thing in High School, he would teach himself to be anxiously engaged in a good cause, especially people. He said that there were so many needs and wants that he simply didn’t see. I feel the same way. Once again, I bear my testimony that the more we make ourselves vulnerable by true, Christlike caring, service, and thinking, the more invulnerable we truly become.

The fifth regret: I wish I had set more goals.

The fifth solution: What do you think of when you think of a goal? Most people think of a New Years’ Resolution or their career of choice. A study showed that over 80% of successful people set goals, whereas 12% of unsuccessful set goals. I honestly don’t think the biggest difference between the successful people and unsuccessful people is not whether or not they set goals, but whether or not they consider them goals. The successful one considers everything both a goal and an adventure. The unsuccessful one considers a goal one far distant and abstract. To the successful, a goal becomes tangible and present. Start by setting a goal for today. Then set one for today and tomorrow. Then set weekly goals. Do away with the clumsy and inconvenient TASK, and bring in the efficient, sleek, and handy dandy goal. I put this one last more because I wanted to have an easy spot to challenge you. Set two goals regarding this whatchacallit. I’ll give a couple of ideas as a Post Script (P.S.). The goal to set more goals does not count, though that should be a goal somewhere in your goal list. Write down your goals. The chances of you achieving a goal increases by sixty percent if you simply write it down. That’s an investment worth your time! Set a goal, and do it. I set goals of doing the dishes, getting a certain amount of sleep hours, performing at a certain level, and beating the first level in Mario (my gaming quality is embarrassing, I know…). Use your calendar app to mark down your goals at the deadlines of each step along the way. Work toward and achieve your goals. Pray in faith for help achieving them. Set goals in every realm of life. Goals do not only focus your vision, but broaden it.

I’m not sure if I will be taking early morning seminary anymore, as I might take institute, but if I do, that will be the only class left at Lehi High School. I am grateful for my High School experience. I have learned a lot here. I thank you all for being a part of this experience. Last of all, I share my most prized possession, my testimony. We, each one of us, are children of a loving Heavenly Father, who loves us. I love Him. He loved us so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to this earth that he might give us a perfect example, a perfect Gospel, and a perfect atonement. He suffered the Atonement in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross at Golgotha. The Atonement is evident in every fiber of our existence, from the events around us to our ability to physically heal. Being daughters and sons of a loving Heavenly Father puts us all on equal grounds and gives us the power to love. This love is to be shared with each other in words of appreciation, time, work, and personality. It is also to be shared with ourselves through self-confidence, happiness, self-improvement, reverence for our beautiful bodies, and reverence for God. We can always be happy, we can love our family more deeply, we can manage our time more effectively, we can be more kind, we can set goals. Please learn from my mistakes so that you don’t have to experience them as deeply. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Since I like to pretend that the majority of readers will read this, reflect back on their own lives, and want to change, I will treat you as if you would. However, knowing myself and observing others, I think you need a little bit of suggestion.

1. Meet the first person you see that you don't normally talk to. Make it the first. If it is the second, your resolve will be dead. Try to share a deeper connection than that of small talk. Don't just learn something about them, learn something from them.
2. If you have a smartphone or anything of that caliber, utilize its calendar app. You most likely have time right now, as you read this assignment, to utilize it to its fullest. You wouldn't have been killing time on Facebook if you didn't have the time to utilize a calendar.
3. Now that I got you to use a calendar, Schedule a time and day this week to be with one of your family members. Get creative in the things you do. Focus all of that time on them and only them.
4. Set a goal right now. Set a goal to set 5 goals. Then follow through and set the 5 goals.